Covid diaries - end of 2020

What a strange year it has been. Who would have guessed that the Covid pandemic could happen to the world in 2020?

I took so much for granted the freedom to go wherever I want to go. In the past, the only impediments to travel were time off work, money and visa constraints. I travelled often and all over the world - it's incredible to think that I have been to over 40 countries on every continent except Antarctica. I have been away from Australia on at least one overseas trip every year since 2001 when I started medical school. I am extremely grateful for all the travel I've done in the past - dreaming of my travel bucket list is literally a dream now. 

Like many other Australians, my family migrated to Australia and called it our new home. Like many immigrants, we console ourselves in the fact that we could always go back to our home country in an emergency. We'll be there by tomorrow at the latest, we promised our family - because that was indeed possible. When my grandma broke her hip last year, I was by her hospital bedside the next day. I never dreamt that being an immigrant in another country could mean that you are cut off from the rest of your family, bar "exceptional" circumstances such as the death of a close family member. 

I saw so many patients this year who have been affected by Covid. Many who were sick and dying could not have the final reunion with their family members due to quarantine reasons. Travel exemptions were hard to come by, flights were scarce and expensive. Some of my friends have been unable to attend the funeral of loved ones in person - a real tragedy robbing them of their final closure. 

We have been so fortunate in Australia that Covid has not taken a big toll in terms of case numbers and fatalities. It's so frightening to see what is happening in the rest of the world, and I feel incredibly sad for all the people who have died around the world from the pandemic. I also feel so much pain for those who have struggled with mental health this year. I, too, as a frontline health care worker have had my fair share of scares. For some time I was living alone, not seeing anyone in person, going to work and facing the fears of infection and mortality alone. It was a really difficult time. I was fortunate to have a lot of personal supports and a supportive collegiate work environment. Sadly I know three people who have died by suicide during this time -may they rest in peace. We will never know the answers and how much Covid may have contributed to their deaths. 

Despite all the negative effects of Covid, there have been a remarkable number of "silver linings". I worked relatively little this year, and with the cancellation of travel plans found myself with many weeks free. In the past, I've filled these weeks off with more "things" but this year I have found myself with so much more time and emotional space to explore.

So now, I'd like to take a moment to remember all the things that I have been doing in 2020, the strange year of Covid. I have been:

... Writing:  I kept up my usual journalling and finished three volumes during 2020. I did a lot more writing in general, various things here and there including blog posts. The highlight of the year was National Novel Writing Month - getting through 50,000 words in the month of November was a real achievement to savour. 

... Reading:  I've read dozens of books, a luxury that I don't always have. I re-read almost all of Murakami's works, some of my all time favourites like Wind-up Bird Chronicle, Kafka On the Shore, and Colourless Tsukuru Tazaki. I even had a chance to read the German translation of Colourless TT. I read all of Liane Moriarty's books in the bath. 

... Sketching: It's incredible that one can discover things like this, I never even knew that I liked drawing! I took up sketching after J and I followed a live drawing class on TV - I'm totally hooked now. I'm still experimenting with different mediums but so far I adore charcoal because it smudges and is so messy.

... Gardening: I moved in January just before Covid hit, and the backyard was bare when I moved in. My dad built me a veggie patch and I've been gently exploring growing vegetables. I always thought I had the brownest thumbs, but I realise now that I just never tried! I bought a lemon tree and watched it grow slowly. I fought slugs, bugs, critters and birds, trying to save my vegetables! The winter season saw an excellent crop of snow peas, and now I'm onto zucchinis, beans and tomatoes. One single chilli from Harris Farm Cooks Hill in January gave me 4 chilli seedlings, all of which are flourishing and giving me more chillies than I can dream of. Being immersed in green is so soul nourishing. 

... Baking: Barney my sourdough starter has been with me since 2017. I gave some of him away in exchange for flour at the height of flour frenzy. It's hard to imagine now how hard it was to get flour in Australia in March/April, it was a commodity like gold. Finally I bought a 12.5kg bag from Broadmeadow IGA (husband #1) and a second 12.5kg from Hamilton Aldi (husband #2) - how did I get through 25kg flour in one year? I also got into baking sweet treats this year, having always been a bread baker. Barney also made his new home in several places, including Italy!

... Playing music: I had a lot more time to play the violin this year, and I think I have made some progress. Since the lockdown was lifted in NSW in May, my quartet has been meeting regularly. Talking to music friends overseas, we are really privileged in Australia to still be able to play in music groups (with some restrictions). I feel like there has been a lot of development this year, I am much more aligned with my instrument and the music. 

... Psycho babbling: I've been interested in psychology since the car accident 2 years ago but I really got into it this year as a self development tool (rather than purely as a coping strategy). I did the Science of Well-Being course online run by Yale University, and it was super interesting. In the last few months I really got into Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and David Burns' approach to CBT - doing my CBT homework is really fun and has helped me to learn a lot about myself! 

... Maintaining human connections: I don't think there has ever been a time in my life where I have felt so overwhelmingly grateful for the social network I have. I have my family and an amazing inner circle of friends. Covid has kept me in touch with local and international friends, some of whom I reconnected with during Covid. The development of Zoom in 2020 has been incredible - video chat as a way to stay connected is a very real thing now. I think Covid has made me appreciate friendship much more than before - we take for granted the ability to see our friends any time! 

Finally, there have been some major changes in my personal life in terms of relationships lost and gained. I really thought I was too old to fall in love again, isn't that the realm of teenagers? But the universe has some other ideas! Love in the time of Covid also has its unique challenges. I feel like we are constantly walking through sliding doors in life, one opens and another one shuts. No one knows what is going to happen next. All we have is the present moment - there are all the bad things that are happening in the world, co-existing with all the good things that are happening in the world. Humans are far more resilient than we give ourselves credit for. Human connection knows no bounds, and this gives me hope going into 2021.