Wednesday 18 November 2015

Dream: a sensory vacuum and a baby called Lily

This dream starts in my own bed. 

It's not clear what the time exactly is. The blinds are drawn but light streams behind them - perhaps late afternoon? There is enough light to see that I am with P. The room is completely silent, as if we are in a body of water. Soon I become aware that my brain has dissociated from my body. The brain continues to throw around meaningless mindless things, but I cannot perceive any sensation from any part of the body. I can see what is happening and my brain projects the associated sensations, but I cannot actually sense them. 

As if my sensory cortex has completely died. 

I tell him that I cannot feel. My words float like pebbles across the still water, but they drop heavily with a thud. And I realise that in the same way I cannot feel, he cannot hear.  I look at his face and his expression is blank, as if possessed by some other-world spirit. 

I feel suddenly afraid, and I close my eyes almost reflexively. Then I descend into complete darkness. The blackness surrounds me totally, devoid of all sounds, smells and feelings. It feels like I am at the core of the universe and I am utterly alone.

Then I open my eyes, and he has gotten out of bed. He stands to the right of the bedside table drinking from a 600mL bottle of Pepsi. I thought that was strange since we both don't drink Pepsi? 

The scene cuts to us being in his car. We pull up in a parking lot outside a massive shopping centre. I have no idea where we are but it distinctly feels like America. We get out of the car and it is quite cool in temperature. 

Suddenly a woman comes out of nowhere and accosts us. 

How could you leave your baby like this? You animal! She shouts at him, trying to scratch him as she lunges closer. 

He swerves and she keeps shouting profanities at him. Then she turns to me. And where did you find this stupid whore? 

She is very close to me and she pulls at my hair. He tries to get her away from me. The struggle feels comically grandiose, as if we were part of some bad TV drama. 

All of a sudden she stops. She thrusts a small bundle into my arms and I see it is a newborn baby. 

Her name is Lily. She whispers and turns around. In a moment she is gone and I wake up.