Dream: missing a flower roundabout in the dark

In this dream, I am in Sydney and Ryan has come to visit. We decide to go to the Blue Mountains for a hike. The landscape is lush and green, just like it always is in the warmer months of the year. I don't remember much about the hike except us emerging from the trailhead.

We go back to the car and drive to a nearby microbrewery. I am puzzled that I'd never heard of this place in the mountains. Ryan drinks all the samples they bring us and becomes progressively more drunk. He is jolly as we get back in the car to drive back to Sydney, singing and laughing.

Suddenly I realise that the road is very dark. No cars are around. There are no street lights and the car does not seem to be emitting any light. It feels rather strange to be enveloped in dark, like a drop of darkness merging into a much greater pool of darkness. I blink and the colour of the black in front of me does not change at all.

Driving with my eyes open is the same as driving with my eyes closed. I think to myself and feel a little afraid, my heart quickening.

I listen carefully to the sound of the tyres, and all I hear is a whooshing sound that sounds perfectly even, moving forward. We are gliding stealthily through the dark, steadily moving forward. Not too fast, not too slow. But my heart has started pounding like crazy.

Suddenly Ryan stops his blabbering and laughter. The air is totally still in the car. A ding from one of our phones breaks the silence and he reads a message.

Turn left now! He says.
I swerve the car left and hear the distinct change in the sound of the tyres. We screech to a stop and I look out the drivers window. There, we narrowly missed a huge roundabout full of the most beautiful, luscious flowers. The adrenaline rushes through me and I wake up.

October dreams

In this dream I am at Pearson airport trying to check in for a flight to Australia. The immigration man asks to see a copy of the work permit, and I realise I've left it at home.

He says I cannot board the flight without it, so I leave the counter and think about what I'm going to do. I open my facebook and Michael L has just posted saying he is in Toronto. Despite the fact I haven't spoken to him for 10 years I decide it's a good idea to contact him. He replies promptly saying he'll climb into my apartment and get my work permit.

I sit and wait for news from him. Nothing comes for a while and I feel anxious that I'm going to miss the flight. In the end I decide to call him, and he says he found a tub of Vegemite at my place.

So? I ask, feeling annoyed.
So, I haven't seen Vegemite for so long I decided to make a Vegemite pie. He says.
You what? I say, feeling incredulous.
I tried to set the pie, but the milk split from the Vegemite. He says sheepishly.
I am so annoyed I wake up.

-------------------------------------------

I am at the local supermarket and decide to buy a head of Chinese wombok. I think to myself - gee I haven't eaten this for a while. As I'm carrying it home I'm thinking about all the things I'm going to cook with it.

Then I get home and realise there is absolutely nothing in the cupboards except for one packet of instant noodles (the Shin Ramen I bought when I went away with P). That's all right, I think to myself, I'll just have instant noodles with sliced wombok, that'll be pretty good.

I'm pleased with this idea and start to look for a pot to cook my noodles. That's when I realise there are no cooking utensils either. The only thing I can find is a cup.

That's all right, I think to myself, I'll manage to cook the noodles in the microwave.
I look up and there is only a hole where the microwave usually is in my kitchen.

That's all right, I think to myself, I'll find someone with a microwave.
So I leave my apartment carrying a cabbage under one arm, a cup in my hand and the packet of instant noodles. I walk out onto the street and look for a microwave. Of course there isn't one. It's pretty cold as I walk around the block, and then I see a homeless guy, and next to him.. a microwave.

I go up to him and ask if I could use his microwave.
Sure! He says cheerfully. Just remember that it only works when the trains pass because it's operated by the heat generated from the subway ventilation grill.
At that moment a train passes and a wave of heat washes over us.
That's it! He shouts. Then I wake up.

-------------------------------------------

I am in a tiny gelato shop with hardly any space except for the huge counter. There seem to be a million flavours on offer and I contemplate them carefully.

Preserved duck? What a strange flavour, I think to myself.
Then I see a flavour that is labelled radicchio salad, so I get that for myself.
The lady hands me a cup, and that is when I realise I already have a cup of gelato in my hand.
Why did I get more gelato when I already have some? I wonder to myself.
Then I realise the cup the lady gave me is actually full of salad.
Then I wake up.

-------------------------------------------

I am on a crowded bus. All around me are stressed and frazzled people, screaming children, loads of bags and boxes. Utter chaos.

The bus stops and we spill out onto the sidewalk. Outside it is the immigration building marking the entrance into Bangladesh. I walk inside and it is utter chaos as well, people forming haphazard huddles everywhere, pushing and trying to get to the front. I squeeze my way to the front and the immigration officer frowns over my passport.

You must pay. He pushes the passport back at me.
I ask him how much and he says $100.
I don't have that much money on me. In fact, I have no money on me at all.
I say to him that I must go back to get my bag. He shrugs and I leave the building.
Outside I see the bus zooming away into the distance, back the way we came.. back to India?
I realise I am stranded with nothing. And I wake up.

-------------------------------------------

I am in my apartment in Toronto with E and her husband. It is a bright winter's day outside, and everything is covered in snow. On closer inspection it is lightly snowing outside, the snowflakes falling lazily to the ground. E says she wants to go for a walk, and asks if I could keep her husband company while she does so. She leaves and we get cups of tea and sit in the sunshine on my grey lounge chairs.

Soon he says, geez she has walked a long way. 
How do you know that? I ask.
He shows me an app which shows on google maps exactly where she is walking. He explains that he installed the app to track her activities.
I feel slightly chilled as I settle back into my chair.
Then he says, I have a confession to make. I feel suddenly very cold.
I am actually infertile, he says, I am just waiting for her to have an affair so we can raise the child together.
I scream in silence and wake up.


-------------------------------------------

I am standing in a bright and sunny kitchen. It appears to be some type of cooking class as there is an instructor and we are following her lead.
First we slice a big loaf of sourdough. It looks like great bread - thick, crusty, chewy.
Then we butter the sourdough liberally with great curls of soft butter which also looks and smells great.
Next we are given a small pot of dijon mustard - I look at it dubiously but slather it on.
Next we are given a tub of ketchup. I start thinking we are making hot dogs?
Finally, we are given the last ingredient - a jar of vegemite. Really? I think to myself as I slather the black on top of the butter, mustard and tomato sauce.
We put the sandwich together and an indescribable coloured ooze comes out from the bread.
I take a bite and the taste is so strange I wake up. 

Post call breakfast, month one

Post call breakfast

Coming to Toronto means adopting the Canadian work-lifestyle. Hello, 24 hour in-house calls where sleep is fragmented and variable. Including the signover times, I’m often in the hospital for 25-26hours at a stretch. With fragmented sleep in a marshmallow mattress, I decided to make myself two rules:

1.      Thou shalt take the streetcar to/from work on call days

2.      Thou shalt eat something delicious after the call

Hence begins the exploration of the neighbourhood for post call breakfast

July 9 – Aunties & Uncles

74 Lippincott St, Toronto 

One of the most popular brunch spots in Toronto, it is easy to see why this place is packed on a Saturday morning. We waited close to an hour in the blazing sun but it was really worthwhile.

We had omelette of the day (spinach, asparagus and goats cheese) with challah toast and potato salad; and banana maple pancakes. The omelette was fluffy and tasty with a good punch from the goats cheese. The potato salad was piquant and the toast simply indulgent. The pancakes were even better, just a little oaty and not too sweet, perfect to soak up the maple syrup.

July 11 – Nu Bugel

240 Augusta St, Toronto

I was pretty tired by the time I made it here, and reading menus is not my forte. Toasted coconut bagel? Sounded interesting enough and the waitress’ suggestion of cream cheese to accompany was perfect – soft and oozing like a dream. The coffee is free on weekdays which is a nice bonus.

July 15 – Our Spot

There is a funky bench outside Our Spot, which sits in the middle of Kensington village. The service is super friendly and the waitress lent a sympathetic ear to my troubles.

Breakfast here is huge and I had to take half of it home. The Greek plate has Greek salad, 3 eggs cooked any style, toast and home fries. The heartiness was just what I needed after a long night. I went home and crashed out.

July 20 – Dark Horse Espresso

This was the first time I did not sleep a wink for the entire 24 hour call and I felt really dark when I left the hospital. As I talked to P on the phone I managed to walk the wrong way and ended up on the south side of Spadina. There was a huge queue of people in dark horse so I walked in too.

The space is beautiful and airy. The blackboard menu is trendy hipsteriffic and the promise of a flat white had me almost close to tears. I also picked up this cherry almond scone (sort of half savoury, half sweet) to gobble with my coffee… but all in all it was pretty average. It made me miss home.

July 24 – Cobb’s scones… Momofuku Daisho

After this call I didn’t go out for breakfast because the attending had brought scones for our breakfast. The blueberry scone was beautifully moist – hands down favourite.

After a brief nap I went for lunch at Momofuku Daisho. Momofuku in Toronto takes up a whole building adjacent to the Shangri la, with a stunning modern artwork of a ?horse ?bull ?unicorn full of hands right outside. Inside, the noodle bar is a chaotic space on the ground floor, but daisho is the grown-up area on the first floor. Surrounded completely by glass, the space is beautifully bright. We had an amazing 3 course meal here as part of the summerlicious promotion ($28).

 Green bean panzanella salad (punchy fresh and sundried tomatoes, curd, soft bread and roasted hazelnuts)

The infamous pork bun.

Kim chi noodle (a la bibimbap but with the noodles drenched in a kim chi peanut sauce, just the right amount of spicy)

Secreto ssam plate (the pork was so aesthetically pleasing, the grains of the meat inviting even to a vegetarian. Served with sticky rice, daikon, gravy and lettuce cups)

Deconstructed blueberry cheesecake

Honeydew sorbet with white chocolate

Toronto real estate nightmares

I arrived in Toronto on Thursday June 23, thinking I would have plenty of time to get settled in before start of work on July 1. In fact, I had these romantic images of waltzing into a furnished apartment, putting my bags down and getting on the next bus to Niagara falls. Alas, the reality could not be further from this fantasy.

I was so jetlagged on Friday that I woke up at 3am and couldn’t sleep anymore. The air mattress had started leaking some time in the night, and I woke up enveloped in an air mattress bubble. I tried sleeping sideways, diagonally, starfish, legs off the mattress – every contortion I could think of. But it wasn’t to be, and I ended up getting up at 6:30am for a swim. Watching the sun come up as I did laps was therapeutic, and I set out to do the day’s errands sleep deprived but lighthearted. Criminal record office, mobile plan, bank account, university registration, meeting with the supervisor of training… In between all that, I somehow did no real estate activities, but I patted myself on the back thinking I had done so much life admin in one day. Everything else would follow, right?

On Saturday I compensated for my lack of sleep the two previous nights with an epic sleep in until 2pm. When I woke up and saw the clock, I couldn’t believe my eyes. I started looking on Kijiji and the millions of ads on there, sending out lots of enquiries. So many that I had to start taking notes like “Bright clean safe”.

On Sunday I continued the mad Kijiji scramble, but a few people had responded to my queries so I was able to set up a few appointments. The first place I went to at 57 St Joseph St was a recently finished condo which was, well, not really finished. The painting was in progress and the whole place smelled like renovations. The flat was tiny though it had a huge balcony (who needs a balcony in freezing Toronto winters?) Then we went to 210 Simcoe and met A, the super hardworking real estate agent who was out working on Sunday afternoon! The place was tiny and I felt pretty claustrophobic in there. We went to see a couple more places on Richmond St but the building was also unfinished and I really hated the new paint smell. Afterwards we had a short break in Tim Hortons (including my first encounter with Timbits!) and then continued the hunt. The next place at 38 Grenville was really beautiful and I loved it as soon as I walked in – bright and spacious, it was just perfect. The landlady R spoke heavily accented English but seemed really nice, so I applied for it on the spot. The last place of the day was in Lumiere – we were shown around by TC, a heavily plastic surgeried older lady who initially was quite cold but then really warmed up to us and started telling us a million stories. We were trapped in there as she talked for over an hour whilst her husband waited patiently in the car. I was exhausted by the end of all that, and was so glad to wolf down some ramen on the way home.

On Monday morning I was contemplating the two places I had seen the evening before – the bright & airy Grenville St, or the cheaper Lumiere place? R emailed to say that they were very interested in having me as a tenant but would like me to send a month’s deposit to another person’s account. The dodgy radar in my head immediately went off. Who is the landlord? I enquired. R then said that she was the managing agent for the landlords (a purportedly famous man in Toronto and his sister who lives overseas). She said I had “met” him as he was waiting in the stairwell on the day of the inspection. The Stairwell? Surely the landlord would either stay at home (if he didn’t want to see the tenants) or be inside the flat (if he did want to see them). Why would he hide in the stairwell? The alarm bells continued to ring as I started to get emails from the landlord trying to clarify the situation. When I asked to meet him he said he was too busy and for me to go to the Toronto Reference Library – or a far away suburb before 8am the next morning? I thought it was all too dodgy and called it off.

Meanwhile in the afternoon I went to see a furnished place just next door to E’s. The place itself was nothing special but it was fully furnished which was pretty much rare as hen’s teeth in Toronto. The owners were a Chinese couple who said they had bought the place for their daughter when she was studying at the University of Toronto, and now that she had moved back they wanted to rent it out to someone just like me. They had just a couple of requests – that they keep one of the storage cupboards for their things, and that I collect their mail and forward it by fedex. I readily agreed to this in exchange for them getting a queen bed. Then I felt so excited that this was done… we almost went out celebrating. But I had already made an appointment with A to see a couple of places at Murano South and 38 Elm so we went to see those places.. and I loved 38 Elm with its awesome pool and grand piano.

That night I was talking to P and he thought the ads were bare in pictures and seemed dodgy. I did some googling and my heart sank. The place was listed for sale? Were they planning to sell the place as well and I would have to move out? Also there were a bunch of business related things – there was a petroleum and engine oil business registered at the address and the business board had noted they had failed to submit their annual reports. His work brain went into overdrive and I also felt weary.. why couldn’t anything go right?

The next morning Tuesday I called and cancelled on the Chinese place, thinking that the potential stress was not worthwhile. Then I called A and told him I wanted to apply for the 38 Elm place. I felt really relieved when I made that decision – sure I would pay more than what I was planning to pay but the place was really nice. The offer went to the other side and I spent the day exchanging texts and phone calls with A. And in the end it fell through – the landlord declined my application. I felt so desolate that day, like there was nothing I could do right.

The next day, Wednesday, I was determined to find somewhere to live. Work was looming so very close then, and I felt like my week of househunting in Toronto wasn’t getting anywhere. As nice and kind as E was to me, I really felt like I was invading her space without any set plan to move out, like the bad smell that wouldn’t go away. I went on a major expedition with A, checking out 10 places in one afternoon. We started at 210 Simcoe again, and saw a much bigger place than the first place. Then we went up Bay St and saw a bunch of properties. One was covered in pigeon poo. Another had a shattered balcony barrier (on the 20^th floor, really?) I really hated the tallest condo Aura (80 stories) which had a hotel like lobby and a fake fireplace, urgh. By the end of looking at those places I was really over it. 210 Simcoe it was. It had to be my lucky place as something amazing happened outside it. It was concreted by the fact that it was close to Lucky Moose (aka Chunky Monkey in my head) and the rest of Chinatown. I figured buying tofu would be easier that way.

On Thursday I woke up feeling positive about the apartment, but was then feeling so disturbed that I hadn’t heard back from the landlord. More text exchanges with A ensued as my stress level rose. It was the last free weekday I had before the start of work, and I felt like I was facing the househunt again. I went for a walk up to Church Wellesley village and tried to distract myself by going up to the Australian consulate to cast my postal vote. Google maps led me to a nearby park and I sat on a bench under some giant trees, watching the traffic whiz past, wishing for a little inner tranquility. I couldn’t relax, and the homelessness was getting to me. I walked back along Bay, popping into a bookstore but even the books didn’t appeal to me. A few hours later I had the final OK from A – I had somewhere to live! That night I had to go to TD bank to open two bank accounts so I could have the requisite post dated cheques for my new place. I won’t even get started on the banking nightmares.

But that’s it, I finally found somewhere to live, a bright sunny place in downtown Toronto to call my own. For a year at least. 

Vipassana Guatemala: images and memories

A few miscellaneous memories.

The course was the 15th course since the inception of Vipassana Guatemala in 2007, basically propelled forward by a group of local enthusiastic meditators. It was incredible how much effort and time had gone into organising one of these courses without the readymade infrastructure that we enjoy in the West.

The courses are held at Finca La Milagrosa, a large property previously used for religious purposes, though most of the religious paraphernalia is covered with discreet brown paper around the property. The rooms are tidy and clean, though spartan as if one was staying at a monastery - basically a perfect setting.

The gardens are not huge but full of fruit trees and suitable for walking. The men´s side even had a little hill that one could climb, but the women´s side was all flat. Every morning the sunrise would peek over a row of pine trees that lined the front of the property, and some mornings with the misty clouds made for a beautiful sight. The days were warm and the nights modestly cold.

Though I knew exactly was up ahead, I had no idea how this course would go. Each time is so different for so many reasons. The biggest physical struggle for me was an awful thoracic back pain that lasted from Day 3 to Day 6. It was so bad that I considered leaving on Day 3 as I couldn´t imagine sitting there any longer. I imagined all sorts of things wrong with me - did I have an undiagnosed spinal cord tumour? transverse myelitis? my mind really went wild. On Vipassana day I also had a deep pain in my right shoulder (usually my good shoulder!) which stayed with me through that long afternoon session, the first adhittana session. I don´t even know how I got through those sessions when I was in so much pain, but it all passed, as everything always does.

Mentally I had a bad day on day 1 and spent the entire 6pm group meditation session crying. It stopped at some time though, the tears dried, and I realised that tears are really made of salt because they made crystalline tracks down my face. There is also a trajectory for tears - they fall down your face and land in a certain way. The rest of the days were not bad, around day 5 I started thinking of all the children whose deaths I had seen. I spent time recalling them and their families, and said goodbye to them in my head. The day after that I did the dying adults (not so many memorable ones) and the day after that I did all the grievances during my training. Then I asked myself if there were other outstanding issues, and worked through those. After that I felt like I was free and unburdened.

Coming out of silence is always really hard for me. The first time in 2003 I was overwhelmed and like most new students, I just went around chattering with everyone and anyone. The second time in 2013 I spent most of the day walking and talking with Kim, a much gentler emergence. This time I had gone to the course with the other Aussie girls Emma and Brei so I spent a lot of the day talking to them, but also met a few other people. It was awfully noisy. My throat was so scratchy and I found it a great effort to talk. But before we knew it, it was the morning of day 11, another beautiful day to head out into the Guatemalan sunshine, to our separate adventures.

Vipassana Guatemala: food and dreams (part 2)

Day 6

Breakfast: beans & tortillas 

Lunch: vegetable curry with potato, pumpkin & peas (a new cook?), lettuce salad, pink lemonade

another lost dream - will it ever come back to me?

sore right ankle - Jack island - US led Israeli base - list of prices - warning 17yo guide - TW temple - giant TVscreen - escape from police - a tall fence - 2 guys - Japan hotel- where to next?

Day 7

Breakfast: granola, mango

Lunch: red kidney bean stew, spinach and pasta soup, mole sauce with bananas (utterly delicious)

1. 

I am walking along Wulumuqi Rd in the northern direction, looking for a post office to post a map to Mongolia. It feels like I´m part of the amazing race and I am alert looking around for my competitors. Star comes up next to me and offers to help me. We turn right onto Fuxing West Rd but it is hard to see where the post office is.

We walk past a truck labelled Mr &Mrs Pizza with plastic models of fat mascots in the tray of the truck. Then we come to a playground where all the play equipment looks rather strange. I tell him that there was no such playground here when I was young and I wonder when it was built. On the other side of the playground is a swimming pool, with the weeds growing into the side of the pool. We walk closer to take a look and one end is 4m deep.

Such a deep pool right next to a playground? What a disaster. I think to myself, and wake up.

2. 

This dream starts inside a boarding house. It is really dark inside as if the natural light couldn´t possibly make its way inside. The rooms are tiny and cramped, each stuffed full of furniture and children. I walk down the aisle seeing all the little kids looking sad and forlorn. I wonder where their parents are.

Then I see Barbs and realise that she is running this boarding house - of course she is, with her social work background and all. She looks older and more jaded. Her eyes have lost of her usual spark and she looks tired.

I gather some of the children including one little girl who looks rather sick, and take them up one level which looks like a loft. There is a big kitchen there and I set out to make a cake. The children gather around me and initially they are questioning, but soon they start joining in helping with cracking the eggs and measuring out the sugar. The recipe calls for coconut but there isn´t any in the kitchen - never mind, I thought, we will just have cake without coconut. 

All of a sudden a big group of adults rush into the room and all the children scatter silently like a flock of frightened birds. A burly middle aged woman comes up to me and introduces herself as Rhonda, Barbs´ assistant. She informs me that this is a cocktail party for the people who donate money to the children´s shelter.

Good, I think to myself, maybe I can point out some of the appalling things that are happening here. Light music is playing and canapes are being served. As I pick up an impossibly small sliver of blueberry cheesecake on a skewer I realised I never cleaned up the cake mess in the kitchen. I duck into the kitchen and push the baking pan with the unbaked cake into the corner. It makes a strange noise and when I look closer, black marks are all over the kitchen bench. 

Rhonda comes over and gives me an angry look, then I wake up. 

Day 8

Breakfast: fried tortillas, gruel made from oats 

Lunch: savoury mole with potato and turnip, bean puree, plantano with hibiscus 

This dream starts in my car, pulling up into the centre of Berowra. I stop in the Woolies carpark (is there really a Woolies in Berowra?) and then I see a sign for a Vinnies in the same block as well and make a mental note to return. 

I walk slightly down the road away from woolies and vinnies and come to an abandoned shop. It looks really interesting with all sorts of antiquey curios strewn around. At the other end of the shop is a locked gate, through which one can see a railway track leading into a tunnel. A man is there, photographing the railway. 

He tells me that Berowra has changed so much since he was young, and asks if I had been to Berowra before. I tell him I used to teach there every week and he smiles. We walk down the road together and check out the ¨hip & happening¨ place in Berowra. There are a number of little shops around and we purchase sandwiches for $7. Around the corner is a store offering an eco village experience ¨try 20min of the beach for free!¨ Then we see an icecream shop but it is super expensive at $8 for a scoop. 

We leave the block and walk back to Woolies. The shops surrounding the carpark have changed and now there is an army surplus store. There I see Shelley arguing with the man at the counter - over a refund of her earrings. One had given her an ear infection and she wanted to refund both earrings but the man would only give her $4 for one earring. I wake up at the ridiculity. 

Day 9

Breakfast:  granola, pineapple tea 

Lunch: vegetable soup, couscous with chickpeas, cinnamony pumpkin mash

1. 

I have been kidnapped and am kept inside a house. There are very few clues as to where I am but my captor is a lady. She is slowly torturing me, entering several times a day to subject me to all sorts of strange things like electrocution and plucking my hair out one by one. One time she is doing the crossword with me and every time I get a word wrong she would punish me somehow. It is utterly terrifying. 

One day I become utterly convinced that she is going to kill me today. once she enters the room I decide I´m going to take her out. She punches me in the head and I fall off to the side, but I get up straight away and tackle her, then I step on her head as hard as I can and hear a crunch. I think I may have broken some of her skull bones, and after a while I feel safe enough to leave here there, an inert lump. 

Then I run out the door and down some steps, at the bottom of which there is a phone. I call 000 and then look for the exit from the house, but I can´t find it. I run back up the steps and the woman is still lying lifelessly where I left her. I look all around the captive room though I know there is no exit from the room. I see a police car and an ambulance pull up to the driveway, and realise that they won´t be able to find me in the secret part of the house. 

I bang on the window as hard as I can, but of course they can´t hear me. behind me my captor gives out a slow groan. I scream and wake up. 

2. 

I am in Shanghai for just one day and decide to catch up with Elsie. She takes me to a shopping mall that has just opened and we wander around the shops. We are looking for a haircut place because my hair is desperately long. She says we must explore all the shops but it´s hard to keep track of where we have been already. We are pretty much lost when we come to a beautiful pond full of blooming lilies, which makes us pause and take some photos.

Coming out of the lily pond, I see a subway station and think that I can take it anywhere so I can get to somewhere I know. I get on the train and it´s awfully crowded. After leaving the station it doesn´t move, stuck on the rails. I think I´m going to miss my flight, but when I take out my phone there is no reception. I am literally stuck. Then I wake up. 

Day 10

Breakfast: bread

Lunch: pasta salad, lentil soup 

Dinner: vegetable soup, rice, chocolate khir

No dreams on the last day, the end of the silence. 

Vipassana Guatemala: food and dreams (part 1)

Day 0
Dinner: vegetable soup with tortillas
Dreams: none

Day 1
Breakfast: fruit, granola, cinnamon tea
Lunch: lentil soup, rice, cabbage & carrot salad, agua de Jamaica

Dream:
Shelley and I are at a restaurant. We've paid for some sort of food and are holding receipts and a copper lid. We are supposed to look for our dish which also matches the copper lid.

We wait and wait but nothing matching comes up. in the end Shelley suggests we take this one dish of beans that is close ish to our lid but clearly not the right one. At that moment Helen shows up and says - hey I've been waiting for that forever! let's get a refund for my one and eat it together.

We walk outside and it is St Andrews square. There are people selling pineapples for 19c and we start debating whether thats cheap. I argue that it's cheap in any currency and we get one. Next we debate the difference between San Salvador and El Salvador.

Then I take out my phone and use a square of green anaesthetic gauze to wipe the screen. When I finish the screen is completely white. Then I wake up.

Day 2
Breakfast: black beans & tortillas, pineapple and ginger tea
Lunch: pasta bake with spinach, carrot &rocket salad, lemonade

Dream:
In this dream I am in a Nigerian village and I slowly sense that I have been kidnapped there. All around me are Nigerians and I cannot tell who has kidnapped me. I'm standing in the square with many people milling around.

Then I see a man in a blue & black stripe jumper and something stirs fear in me. Is he the captor? A child runs by and grab the lens from the SLR camera in the man's hands. I fear for the child but he runs away really quickly and the man makes no effort to chase him down.

He comes over to me and starts asking me about what I know of Nigerian marriage customs. He says there are 3 classes - upper, middle and lower. Marriage between the classes is allowed only in certain combinations, but I am struggling to dollowbthe complex rules he is trying to explain. I am scared he is trying to marry me off. Then I wake up

Day 3
Breakfast: granola, stewed pineapple, banana
Lunch: chickpea curry, coleslaw, ceviche of green mango, steamed plantain

Dreams:
1.
I am on a bus with Grace and she is trying to explain where we are going. Without warning she gets off the bus and Cecilia gets on and sits down where Grace was. We look out the window and see Thu ha walking along the street. We wave to her but she doesn't see us. Soon we see her again and we discuss how she could be walking so fast to be in front of the bus route.

Then I get off the bus and I am at Central station looking at the timetable boards. It is 1849 and the next train is in 4 minutes. I wonder if I have enough time to go to the toilet, then I wake up.

2. I don't recall the dream now but the keywords I wrote were: crocodile race, black period, smoke, camera to capture

Day 4
Breakfast: granola, melon, milky chai
Lunch: vegetable lentil curry, rice, tomato & cucumber salad

Dream:
I am on level 7 in POW private but I don't recognise the exact place. I am alone in an office with plush armchairs. Suddenly DC comes in and asks me brusquely what I am doing there. I say in a meek soft voice - I am here to wait for instructions.

He doesn't reply but leaves the room. I see a fridge and get up to see what is inside. I suddenly remember I have put noodles in the fridge and start looking through the shelves to find my noodles. But they are lost.

The dream cuts to the seaside and Shabai and I are standing on a cliff. She urges me to climb over a fence and stand right on the edge. As I stand there the clouds are super low and the sky is dark. The wind is howling and I look down to violent waves many metres below. Shabai says that there is gold in the ocean and throws me a fishing net to try and catch the gold. I feel slightly resentful that she is trying to get me to do such a dangerous thing, but I throw the net into the sea. First I get just rocks, then after a few throws I see a glimmer of gold. The wind is blowing even more strongly in my ears and I sway violently as I wave to Shabai that I found gold. Then I wake up.

Day 5:
Breakfast: beans and tortillas. candied oranges
Lunch: leftover pasta, leftover salad, pumpkin with cinnamon and cardamom

Dream:
This was a truly psychedelic one.
I am in the future. I am driving some vehicle when I crash into a wall. I am crumpled inside the car but I climb out through the window and see that I was driving an orange Ford fiesta. I shake my head at the ridiculousness and start walking away.

Then a police hovercraft shows up and shines bright lights on me. The policemen look like robots and have wooden legs. They shout at me in an unintelligible language and I start running. The light follows me but I duck into a crevice and find my escape through a dark alley.

Then I am within a dark round castle and the time is night. I walk around the castle tending to books - I am a librarian? People come in and ask to see certain things. I suggest books and read them out to people. After a while I realise that I am the only person left in the world that can read, and hence I am tending the only books left in the world.

Then I meet a man who keeps coming in asking to see images of the past, of my generation. After many encounters he becomes my confidante and ally. He says that the must be some way for me to find my way back to my real world. We spend many moments whispering in the dark corners of the library.

The dream cuts back to the city where I crashed the fiesta. The darkness prevails and I am walking the streets holding the hand of the man. He urges me to remember anything about where the fiesta crashed. I can't remember anything and feel really distraught.

Then I see Lego on the ground and something lights up in my brain - that's it! one of the clues. I see a Lego duplo store and point it out, but my friend looks at me blankly and I realise he can't read. Then I see a dark wine bar full of candles and realise that this is the gateway. I look up and see a wooden plaquard - the 8 ways McGlover.

I suddenly remember that I hid a silver suitcase up on the second floor so we head up the dark stairs. Under one of the tables we find the silver suitcase and with much anticipation I open it.

Inside there is a bed of fruit and on it, a sleeping baby.

This is the last real baby in the world, I think to myself. Then I wake up.