Tuesday 19 May 2020

Covid dreams: a tree in Bosnia; lost in Shanghai

A tree in Bosnia
 
In this dream I am in Bosnia. In real life I've never thougt of going there, and actually know very little of the country except that there was a war there when I was in high school in the 90s.

My high school friend Susie and I are in a small town in Bosnia, high up in the mountains. There's something about mountain towns - the sunshine seems to be extra bright and the air is fresh with a whiff of the soil. The streets are narrow and cobblestoned, like in many small European towns. The vendors at the market had just a few goods displayed carefully on wooden carts. We could have been anywhere, but I knew we were in Bosnia.

We were looking for the right kind of sweet pastries. There was a row of vendors selling different types - some looked like French style laminated pastries and others were more like the condensed Middle Eastern style baklava. We were looking for the perfect pastry. We stopped to talk to one of the pastry sellers but we could not understand each other due to the language barrier. We decided to buy some of his pastries, and I reached into my bag to get some money.

I realise with a start that I'm not carrying a handbag or backpack like I normally would be in these sorts of travel situations. Instead I am carrying a thin and flimsy black garbage bag, like those large bin liners. Inside were bundles and bundles of cash, some of it neatly packaged and other bills just scattered about. There was no way for me to tell how much there was or even what currency it was - I didn't want to draw attention to myself in the busy marketplace.

I hastily gave the pastry man a few notes and we moved onto the next stand where the man sold shoes. These were not normal shoes and the display was haphazard, in complete contrast to the food displays. On closer inspection they were all shoes that were worn to within an inch of its life - some of the soles were peeling and many had holes. Susie said we should buy some shoes and try to fix them. The shoe seller asked us in broken English where we were from, and we tried to have a conversation with much difficulty.

While Susie was rifling through the shoes, he took out an old map, like those hand drawn ones in Lord of the Rings, and showed us a few things. We were in the north of Bosnia, just north of the capital (which was not Sarajevo in the dream). He pointed to a few places of interest, and pictures flashed up of those places. When he pointed to a road southwest of the capital that led to the neighbouring country, I realised that this road went from Bosnia to Macedonia. Along the way, he pointed out a place of interest and the picture that flashed up was that of a giant tree.

In the picture, the tree was so huge its dimensions could not be determined. One could not see the complete width of the roots and the top of the tree was nowhere near the top of the picture. The belly of the tree seemed to have been bust open and inside it was a cave. The light streamed into the cave, seemingly swallowed up in its depths. I knew immediately that I had to go there. I looked back at the map and it said the town nearby was "Gun Locks".

I was suddenly aware of the large bag of money... what am I supposed to do with this huge amount of money, in rural Bosnia of all places? How do I get to the tree? Then I woke up.


Lost in Shanghai

In this dream, I was going to Shanghai Bo Ai Hospital (where I did my medical school elective in 2005). In real life I used to take the bus from my aunt's place to subway line 1 and 7 stops later I would be at the nearest stop, and then it was a 10 minute walk. All up the commute would take me about an hour.

In the dream, I was staying with a different family. I'm not sure exactly who they were, maybe some family friends. It was an older couple with a daughter around 30, very thin with long straight hair and glasses. She looked very introverted and barely spoke. The mother told me that I should take her with me so she could also see the way to the hospital. We started walking to the subway, but once we left the apartment building I realised I had no idea where we were.

I asked the girl if she knew where the subway station was and she said she had no idea. I asked her if she knew which line subway it was and she said she had no idea as well. I asked her her home address and she said she didn't know! I looked at my phone but of course Google maps doesn't work in China. We were on a busy street with plenty of cars and bikes passing, but strangely no pedestrians. I thought we could walk along the street and eventually we would see something that would give a suggestion to where we were.

We kept walking till we came to a collection of shops around a square. It looked quite modern with several luxury item shops and coffee shops. I decided to look for someone to ask for directions, and that was when I realised my right sandal was broken. What was I thinking, wearing sandals to the hospital? I asked myself in the dream. Never mind, I'll pick something up somewhere.

Then I realised that all the shops were sealed up because of Covid and there was no way to enter any of them, even though I could see people inside. After walking around for a while, I spotted a Citibank branch with a security guard outside. I half walked, half ran towards him with my broken sandal and clueless girl in tow. The security guard was very kindly and gave us detailed instructions on how to get to the subway station. I thought both the presence of Citibank and the friendliness of the guard meant we could not be in Shanghai anymore?

We walked around the corner and made another few turns as the security guard had suggested, finally arriving at "TK Square". I looked for the characteristic signs of Shanghai metro but there were only shops (also sealed up) all around. Finally we found an escalator going underground, and a bunch of symbols on the sign that I didn't understand. I thought once we get underground it must be easier to find the subway, so I dragged the girl onto the escalator, though she looked reluctant.

At the bottom of the very long escalator was a wet market. Full of vegetables and fruit, but lacking that vibrancy of a normal market. It was fairly dim underground, the air terribly stale as if things had been rotting there for some time. There were no people around, and all the little piles of produce looked sad and forgotten. I dragged the girl through the aisles of vegetables until we saw a group of 6 or 7 people gathered around what looked like the fish stand.

"Go away!" A man shouted at us when we were still about 20m away
"Excuse me, we are trying to find the subway station." I shouted back.
"Can't you see we are filming the next episode of Masterchef here?" He shouted back angrily.

We got closer and all the contestants were holding various parts of fish that I had never seen before. It must have been fantastical fish from another universe. What were they?

Everyone ignored us while we stood watching them clean and slice the fish parts. The girl tugged at my sleeve and asked if we could go. I was transfixed by the cooking show and I just needed to know what the mystery ingredients were.

"All right, everyone ready?" The head producer man called out.

The cameras started rolling. "Ladies and gentleman, welcome to the next challenge." He said brightly, totally in a different character to the terribly angry man he had been towards us.

"Today's mystery ingredient is..." A drum roll sounded and contestants held up whatever part they were slicing.

".... Fish penis!" He announced triumphantly.

"But fish are not reproductive mammals, they don't have penises!" I blurted out before I realised I would also be on TV. Or do they? I thought, then I woke up.

Sunday 10 May 2020

Covid diary: more dreams, and realisations

Let's start with the epiphany:

I am not doing anything different during the Covid-19 crisis. In fact, I am doing all the exact same things that I used to do -

go to work
play music
bake bread
read
write
go for walks
enjoy sunshine / nature
catch up with friends

Of course some of those things are now different, like catching up with friends online instead of in real life. But the essence of my life is exactly the same. Except it feels different, because I have a newfound appreciation for my life. I feel grateful to have all these tiny simple things that make up the mosaic of my life, I am far more fortunate than I had ever realised.

The last few weeks have actually been really good - I am physically and mentally well, eating good food and sleeping soundly.

I also started doing "violin school" which is my way of actually getting into the technical side of playing the violin. Even though I've been playing for a decade now, adult amateurs like me with no solid foundation struggle with the technical stuff. I set myself a task to put a 25min timer on and play scales slowly once aday. I am asking myself if I have played the best note I can possibly produce today. I am also doing the Beethoven project to record the Beethoven violin sonatas with my friend in Toronto Emily - we are doing it one movement at a time, an extremely rewarding project. Listening to myself on recording makes me cringe - all the notes that are missed and imperfect, poorly executed or squeaky - but listening to myself has made me arrive at loving my own imperfection. This is the best I can produce at this point in time, not 10 years into the future when I will undoubtedly be better at playing the violin. I accept who I am right now.

-----
Onto the dreams...

Dream no. 3 with S: 

In this dream I am in the ICU tearoom. The time is early afternoon as the sun is streaming through the glass windows on the far side and casting deep shadows onto the ground. I am standing there with a group of colleagues, and S comes in through the door. He stands near the entrance, away from us, looking rather uncomfortable.

He is wearing a long sleeved white shirt with a formal collar. It is so pressed and starched that it looks unreal - the collars are so stiff that they hardly move. Over this shirt he is wearing a patient gown, quite a comical look. Everyone has stopped talking and all eyes are on him. He asks permission to leave the department since he has to go to Strasbourg. 

Strasbourg? I wonder in the dream.

He starts to explain why he has to go to Strasbourg to see the castle there, and some other things that I cannot remember. As he speaks, he catches my eye and I realise that no one else knows that we know each other. People ask him random questions that he deflects easily with "I don't know" or something similar. Then someone asks, "will you be in Paris as well?"

My ears prick up at the question, because S actually lives in Paris - so he must be going home from Australia?

He seems somewhat agitated by the question, finally replying "Well, there may be no time to go to Paris. Let's just see how things end in Strasbourg."

That sends a chill down my spine and I wake up.


The one with lobster

In this short but hilarious dream, I am in the supermarket with one of my older  ICU colleagues. (I think in real life he has been behind to the scenes due to his age, and hence maybe he came into my dream). I am looking for pork mince to go into dumplings, and he says that all the mince is out, no longer available.

"But you can try this 50:50! I heard it's really good." he says to me enthusiastically.

"What does the 50 mean?" I ask him.

He shrugs and moves further down the aisle. My mind throws up images of random animals - rabbits, horses, rats... what kind of mince is 50:50?

Then I realise everything is packaged in opaque plastic, and it's very hard to see what is inside. I pick up an item and look at the label, it is actually a lobster and costs $247. I can't even comprehend this for a moment, but it is alive and the pincer grabs my hand sharply. I wake up stunned.


The one with the F-G note sequence

In this dream I am making a pot of masala chai. (In real life, I used to drink chai a lot but it has really faded in my life - no longer an interest!) I have 3 teabags in the pot, the way that M makes it. But I have forgotten all the other ingredients. I'm racking my brains to think what else goes into masala chai, but I cannot remember anything other than pepper. M used to grind a couple of grinds of black pepper just before the finish to give it that extra bite. I grind the pepper but my hands don't belong to me - they keep compulsively grinding the pepper, over and over. I cannot stop myself. The tea is totally ruined with the pepper flavour and no other spices (since I cannot recall them). I don't even add milk or sugar, but I pour myself a cup and take it to the table.

The liquid in the cup is so dark it is almost black. The steam from the tea makes my eyes water, so strong it is with pepper flavour. I sit down at the table because I am supposed to be writing my column. I am actually some sort of agony aunt for the newspaper. I open the next envelope, and inside is a handwritten letter.

The top of the letter I cannot recall anymore, but the question is

In this sequence of quavers FGFGFGFG, should it be phrased as 
F-GF-GF-GF
or 
FG-FG-FG

The answer is clear to me - it must be F-GF-GF, but I ponder it a little longer to see if other thoughts come to mind. None do and I wake up puzzled.  

Tuesday 5 May 2020

In My Kitchen: May 2020

After the initial spike of cases, I have been so grateful that it has really slowed down in the last few weeks. Paradoxically it has been a wonderful time for me to rest and restore energies - I am by nature an introvert and I love solitary activities like reading, baking and playing the violin.

I have killed many, many plants over the years, including even cacti that "cannot be killed". Covid-19 has led me to discover the joys of digging in the garden. I feel like it's a jinx to share any pictures or they will stop growing, but maybe just a little one...


Hello Mr Pea! I am watching all the Mr Peas everyday.


My dad's purple garden weed has taken over this pot. A grasshopper ate 90% of the leaves a few weeks ago, but it's amazing that they have grown back.

Onto the sourdough adventures.. I am a long time sourdough baker (Barney will be 3 very soon) and the flour crisis has been awful. For 6 weeks or so the shelves were totally bare, but I was so chuffed to receive donations of flour from friends and work colleagues.


This batch of apple cinnamon hot cross buns was made with flour donated by Lauren and glazed with Canadian maple syrup that Em had brought from Canadia just before Covid. Soft and scrumptious! I forgot to cross some of the buns and my love hearts melted! 


A couple of handsome loaves for friends, one of them was for my dear friend B!


Sourdough banana bread is so delicious I can't believe I'd never tried it


Sourdough English muffins are my new favourite - dusted with a bit of semolina, they are just perfectly soft inside and toast up really well the next day.



There's something about a repetitive lunch. I ate this for a whole week in a row - my own sourdough with smashed avo, a drizzle of Hunter valley EVOO and a smattering of seeds, along with a cob of local organic corn and a little bit of cheese.



There's also something about the ritual of baking day, where I take Barney out and feed him. The discard always goes into pancakes for the morning - here I made it with the last little bit of buckwheat flour we bought in Hungary last year from a market. I ate this with toasted coconut, tahini and a drizzle of maple syrup.


An exceptionally beautiful rye loaf, one sunny afternoon.

With more time on my hands than usual, I tried making Chinese style thick noodles again - so delicious!

 
It is simply a flour and water dough with a few hours of rest, kneaded intermittently, and cut into ribbons.

Finally, the Food and Music series has been on a pause whilst we were in lockdown, but after NSW lifting its restrictions last Friday we decided to have an impromptu gathering to celebrate the 2nd anniversary of my string quartet (though the violist couldn't make it, so we were 3). We have been together through so many ups and downs, and it was a true celebration of friendship, delicious food and music.



As our anniversary date is actually on Anzac day, we have a Turkish theme and I made these spinach, mushroom and cheese pides.


We pretty much always have a feast but this one was really spectacular with a slow cooked spicy lamb, the pides, zucchini flowers stuffed with haloumi, dolmades and salad. We had an amazing musical rendezvous also with Shostakovich's 5 pieces for 2 violins and piano, a few Bach trio sonatas, Beethoven String trio Op. 3 and Schubert's Piano trio in E flat.

I'm sending this to Sherry who hosts the In My Kitchen series - how wonderful to participate in this tradition, thanks for hosting Sherry!