A lot has happened in the last few months.
The weather has been just beautiful. Dry crisp nights, not too hot during the day, clear blue skies everyday (bar the occasional burning). Often I went to work thinking that no matter how awful things get, it's impossible to be in a bad mood in this sort of weather. It's just anti- seasonal affective disorder, and makes me wonder how I'll cope with the Sydney winter when I go home. When I was in Sydney in August it was almost unbearably cold, and I wondered how I'd lived there for so long.
Now the dry has sort of ended, and the days are starting to get muggy. The mango season has started though, so it's somewhat compensating for the lack of good weather. The nights are still tolerable but we've had a few afternoons that were a bit choking. But I get to eat a mango everyday (at least), which I'm enjoying immensely.
And from the end of my time in GM5, to relief, to 3 weeks of annual leave, I've now been in renal for 2 months. The last three months have just warped away from me and I have no idea where they went. Part of the reason time has gotten away from me was because of the uncertainty about next year. I had originally planned to take a year off to travel and work for MSF, and in fact had already applied to work for MSF and even got an interview. But somehow it was not to be. The college released a regulation update that mandated continuous uninterrupted training, and though I could apply for "special consideration", I ran the risk of being unemployed (or stuck somewhere horrible) if the special consideration was not approved.
Like the last time I faced an uncertain situation, I decided to leave it up to fate. I applied for two jobs only and decided that if I were not to get either, I would just go to Africa. One could call it a win-win situation - either I end up in a good ICU where I want to be, or in Africa where I want to be.... or one could call it a lose-lose situation - either I'm miserable back working in Sydney and actually want to be in Africa, or I drop out of the training program! True glass half-full or half-empty ness.
I felt almost nothing when I got those interview offers, and almost nothing while I was doing the RPA interview. I still felt nothing when RPA called and told me I had a job (shouldn't I have been ecstatic? bouncing off the walls? after all this is what I wanted all along..). It felt surreal, I felt detached from it all.
Even now it hasn't really sunken in. Though with the weather getting hotter (and more like the weather when I arrived in Darwin), the realisation that two thirds of my time in Darwin has gone has slightly indented in my mind. I can't imagine what will happen when I go back to Sydney, it will be the biggest culture shock!
The strange thing is, I've almost stopped dreaming. Once I dreamt I was in a patient's bladder watching the fungating tumour (with lots of flailing arms sticking out of the giant cauliflower like lesion), struggling to keep afloat in a sea of urine. Another time I dreamt I was being delivered a curry, one cube of meat at a time. But my dreams have faded somewhat and are not really very vivid. It's probably just sleep deprivation, or maybe it's too hot at night now. But I miss my dreams...
Sunday, 18 September 2011
Monday, 15 August 2011
Tuesday, 7 June 2011
Dream: death by oestrogen
In this dream I'm sitting in a strange man's black convertible. I don't recognise who he is at all, but apparently in the dream we are on some sort of date.
So we are driving around up and down a few highways, just enjoying the feel of the wind in our hair. Then we decide to go to this shopping centre, which looks a lot like Casuarina. We take a left at the KFC, much like the real Casuarina, except as soon as we turn I see a huge boom gate which is not there in real life.
He is still speeding along so I tell him he'd better stop at the boom gate. He says "why should I stop? I don't have any money". I am somewhat horrified and tell him that I'll pay for the parking.
"All right then." He says grudgingly and pulls up at the boom gate, where there's a little hut with a man sitting inside.
"Wait here," he says to me and ducks into the hut.
The next thing I know I look up and the man is no longer there.
"What happened to the man?" I ask him.
"Don't worry about it, let's go." He says.
As we drive into the parking lot I am overwhelmed by this feeling that he somehow killed the ticket collecting man, so I start asking him again and again, somewhat hysterically "What did you do to him? What happened to him?"
Finally he sighs and says "well, if you must know.."
He pulls out a tab of pills from his pocket and shows it to me - it has the Mon-Tue-Wed etc pattern written on it like the oral contraceptive pill. He turns it around and most of the pills are missing.
He says, "I made him take all these pills, and he died of an oestrogen overdose."
Then I wake up.
So we are driving around up and down a few highways, just enjoying the feel of the wind in our hair. Then we decide to go to this shopping centre, which looks a lot like Casuarina. We take a left at the KFC, much like the real Casuarina, except as soon as we turn I see a huge boom gate which is not there in real life.
He is still speeding along so I tell him he'd better stop at the boom gate. He says "why should I stop? I don't have any money". I am somewhat horrified and tell him that I'll pay for the parking.
"All right then." He says grudgingly and pulls up at the boom gate, where there's a little hut with a man sitting inside.
"Wait here," he says to me and ducks into the hut.
The next thing I know I look up and the man is no longer there.
"What happened to the man?" I ask him.
"Don't worry about it, let's go." He says.
As we drive into the parking lot I am overwhelmed by this feeling that he somehow killed the ticket collecting man, so I start asking him again and again, somewhat hysterically "What did you do to him? What happened to him?"
Finally he sighs and says "well, if you must know.."
He pulls out a tab of pills from his pocket and shows it to me - it has the Mon-Tue-Wed etc pattern written on it like the oral contraceptive pill. He turns it around and most of the pills are missing.
He says, "I made him take all these pills, and he died of an oestrogen overdose."
Then I wake up.
Random Darwin, part two
Darwin's one of those places where one sees strange stuff all the time, and despite the fact my phone takes really crappy photos, I often have the urge to pull it out and snap a random photo. My interns will testify that I frequently announce "Kodak moment!" on the ward round, for example when we were trying to find a ward in the private hospital (the public frequently overflows into various corners of the private), and the nurses helpfully directed us to this sign on the wall:
One day I finally went up to this ward in the hospital called "Constant Care", which is actually really a nursing home because all the patients in it are waiting for nursing homes, and found this sign at the entrance next to the fish tank (yes, all this nursing home has to entertain its residents is a fish tank)
Back to the good old private hospital, they got a bit tired of the public staff using their things all the time, and even their bench space they were very protective of. So on one ward, which was half public and half private, I found this sign, reminiscent of primary school days...
Of all the random things I've taken photos of from medication charts, I thought this was probably the most hilarious. Fleet enema TDS, only in Darwin...
And I couldn't resist taking a photo of my intern Olivia who was so tired on our massively long ward round that she sat down on the nearest piece of furniture (of course we don't have chairs).. the patient's wheelie walker.
And here on a random antique scale....
On a different ward, a patient complained that she couldn't get hold of the nurses because there were no call bells.. so she was given one of those old fashioned ringing bells (here is Olivia again demonstrating its use). And of course our patient was an adult, just the hospital was so full they stuck her in the children's ward.
Away from the hospital, one day I went for a walk and found a dead snake just outside the driveway of the hospital... what can one say but Normal For Darwin?
A handful of really random things have happened since I moved to Darwin, and this has to come close to the top of the list. One night I was meant to go with a bunch of medical students to Lee Point for a bonfire, but I ended up staying at home because I wanted to sell my microwave. Eventually I sold the microwave and made my way to Jacky's house for dinner. While bonfiring one of the boys, a 21yo French 1st year medical student, had burnt his foot trying to firewalk. So he sat in the bathtub sulking while running his foot under cold water, and Jacky went to look for his "special bag of medications" which he'd stashed in a cupboard somewhere.
It was actually two whole plastic bags full of medications, and it was the weirdest thing ever sorting through them! Aside from the obvious paracetamol, nurofen, antibiotics (half a dozen types, including ones I'd never heard of), anti-histamines and steroid creams, there was also clonazepam syrup (just in case one develops epilepsy, perhaps?), anti-fungals, a combination paracetamol-tramadol tablet (very bizarre), oxazepam (maybe to be taken if life in Oz got too stressful?) and an anti-depressant! All the medications laid out covered a whole side table, and I was simply amazed by what one's father would give an otherwise healthy 21yo to take to a developed country where medications are readily available!
Anyway.. I gave him some panadol and nurofen, and couldn't resist giving him half an oxazepam! Then we all crowded into the tiny bathroom to keep him company, eating kangaroo stir fry to the sound of running water.. Now if that's not random, I don't know what is.
One day I finally went up to this ward in the hospital called "Constant Care", which is actually really a nursing home because all the patients in it are waiting for nursing homes, and found this sign at the entrance next to the fish tank (yes, all this nursing home has to entertain its residents is a fish tank)
Back to the good old private hospital, they got a bit tired of the public staff using their things all the time, and even their bench space they were very protective of. So on one ward, which was half public and half private, I found this sign, reminiscent of primary school days...
Of all the random things I've taken photos of from medication charts, I thought this was probably the most hilarious. Fleet enema TDS, only in Darwin...
And I couldn't resist taking a photo of my intern Olivia who was so tired on our massively long ward round that she sat down on the nearest piece of furniture (of course we don't have chairs).. the patient's wheelie walker.
And here on a random antique scale....
On a different ward, a patient complained that she couldn't get hold of the nurses because there were no call bells.. so she was given one of those old fashioned ringing bells (here is Olivia again demonstrating its use). And of course our patient was an adult, just the hospital was so full they stuck her in the children's ward.
Away from the hospital, one day I went for a walk and found a dead snake just outside the driveway of the hospital... what can one say but Normal For Darwin?
A handful of really random things have happened since I moved to Darwin, and this has to come close to the top of the list. One night I was meant to go with a bunch of medical students to Lee Point for a bonfire, but I ended up staying at home because I wanted to sell my microwave. Eventually I sold the microwave and made my way to Jacky's house for dinner. While bonfiring one of the boys, a 21yo French 1st year medical student, had burnt his foot trying to firewalk. So he sat in the bathtub sulking while running his foot under cold water, and Jacky went to look for his "special bag of medications" which he'd stashed in a cupboard somewhere.
It was actually two whole plastic bags full of medications, and it was the weirdest thing ever sorting through them! Aside from the obvious paracetamol, nurofen, antibiotics (half a dozen types, including ones I'd never heard of), anti-histamines and steroid creams, there was also clonazepam syrup (just in case one develops epilepsy, perhaps?), anti-fungals, a combination paracetamol-tramadol tablet (very bizarre), oxazepam (maybe to be taken if life in Oz got too stressful?) and an anti-depressant! All the medications laid out covered a whole side table, and I was simply amazed by what one's father would give an otherwise healthy 21yo to take to a developed country where medications are readily available!
Thursday, 26 May 2011
Dream: the sun doesn't set at Dripstone anymore
In this dream, a whole bunch of us from the hospital are at Dripstone cliffs, sort of like the medical registrar welcoming party they threw us in January. We are standing around chatting and sipping drinks when I looked up and realised the sun was gone.
"Are we here to watch the sunset?" I ask the nearest person.
"Oh, no, the sun doesn't set at Dripstone anymore." They reply (I can't remember who they are at all!)
"Why not?" I ask, puzzled how the sun can choose where it sets.
"Well, the hospital ran out of money and stopped paying the subscription fee, so the sun has gone somewhere else now."
Disappointed, I look down at the sea to see if anything else has changed at the cliffs. Then someone says "We can get the sun back if only we win this competition."
"What competition?" murmurs the crowd.
"Actually it's more like a randomised controlled trial. We take these two types of laundry powder and if we can guess which is the more high powered one, we can get the sun back."
Someone else walks among the crowd with a large cane basket, distributing two identical packets of white powder to everyone. I'm just looking at my packets when someone shoves a trophy in my face and says "Congratulations! You've won the most enthusiastic participant award!"
I splutter, "What??" and look at the trophy. On it my name is all garbled, and I can't quite make out what it says. I put the packets of powder in the trophy. Then I wake up.
"Are we here to watch the sunset?" I ask the nearest person.
"Oh, no, the sun doesn't set at Dripstone anymore." They reply (I can't remember who they are at all!)
"Why not?" I ask, puzzled how the sun can choose where it sets.
"Well, the hospital ran out of money and stopped paying the subscription fee, so the sun has gone somewhere else now."
Disappointed, I look down at the sea to see if anything else has changed at the cliffs. Then someone says "We can get the sun back if only we win this competition."
"What competition?" murmurs the crowd.
"Actually it's more like a randomised controlled trial. We take these two types of laundry powder and if we can guess which is the more high powered one, we can get the sun back."
Someone else walks among the crowd with a large cane basket, distributing two identical packets of white powder to everyone. I'm just looking at my packets when someone shoves a trophy in my face and says "Congratulations! You've won the most enthusiastic participant award!"
I splutter, "What??" and look at the trophy. On it my name is all garbled, and I can't quite make out what it says. I put the packets of powder in the trophy. Then I wake up.
Tuesday, 24 May 2011
Dream: the radioactive barramundi
In this dream I'm just about to embark on a long road trip with my dad, I think we were planning to drive from Darwin to Sydney but I can't remember the route we were going to take. I look out the window and our Honda is parked just outside, but it looks like the alleyway outside our house in Shanghai. I wonder how it's possible that our car seems to have made its way to Shanghai for a roadtrip starting in Darwin. Looking around, I seem to be sitting in my living room in Shanghai too.
I tell my dad that we are already running late, so we need to look at the map and check how far we can get that day. He tells me not to worry, then there is a knock at the door.
When I open the door a man comes in pushing in a catering-style trolley, covered in a cloth. This is the type of trolley that's used to serve food at meetings etc, with enough space for big platters to be stored on several tiers. He says he has a present for us and without delay starts telling us about how he caught a giant barramundi and wants to give it to us to take on the road trip.
Just as I'm wondering why there are giant barramundi in Shanghai, he lifts the cloth from the trolley and I see a whole row of giant jars like the ones used to preserve rice wine. He starts taking the jars down and naming the fillets "this one came from the front of the left side of the barra... this one's from near the tail" - fillets of barramundi seem to be swimming in some amber-coloured unidentified liquid inside the jars.
He finishes unloading the jars, probably about 20 of them in total. There are 3 jars left on the trolley and I ask the man "what's in those?" He picks up one and shows it to me, and it is the most hideous fish head I have ever seen.
"Hold on, you can keep those. I don't like fish heads." I say to the man.
He looks disappointed and points to the other two jars, "What will I do with these then?" he asks.
I look at the other two jars and each seems to contain a giant hideous fish head.
"Wait, if you only caught one barramundi, how come you have three heads?" I ask.
He stares at me like I've just asked a crazy question and finally says "Don't you know? This fish was raised in radioactive nuclear-contaminated water in Japan, it's full of genetic mutations!"
Then I wake up.
I tell my dad that we are already running late, so we need to look at the map and check how far we can get that day. He tells me not to worry, then there is a knock at the door.
When I open the door a man comes in pushing in a catering-style trolley, covered in a cloth. This is the type of trolley that's used to serve food at meetings etc, with enough space for big platters to be stored on several tiers. He says he has a present for us and without delay starts telling us about how he caught a giant barramundi and wants to give it to us to take on the road trip.
Just as I'm wondering why there are giant barramundi in Shanghai, he lifts the cloth from the trolley and I see a whole row of giant jars like the ones used to preserve rice wine. He starts taking the jars down and naming the fillets "this one came from the front of the left side of the barra... this one's from near the tail" - fillets of barramundi seem to be swimming in some amber-coloured unidentified liquid inside the jars.
He finishes unloading the jars, probably about 20 of them in total. There are 3 jars left on the trolley and I ask the man "what's in those?" He picks up one and shows it to me, and it is the most hideous fish head I have ever seen.
"Hold on, you can keep those. I don't like fish heads." I say to the man.
He looks disappointed and points to the other two jars, "What will I do with these then?" he asks.
I look at the other two jars and each seems to contain a giant hideous fish head.
"Wait, if you only caught one barramundi, how come you have three heads?" I ask.
He stares at me like I've just asked a crazy question and finally says "Don't you know? This fish was raised in radioactive nuclear-contaminated water in Japan, it's full of genetic mutations!"
Then I wake up.
Tuesday, 10 May 2011
A day in Singapore
On my way back from China, I decided to stop in Singapore for a day of food.
Yes yes, the Singapore river was very picturesque in the morning light, but where was all the food? Every store and stall seemed to be shut, and hardly anyone was on the street except a few confused looking tourists and some street cleaners. I walked in some random direction till I finally came across a shop full of people even at 8am on a Saturday morning.
I've never had bak kut teh before, but this was pretty good. Pork rib soup simmered till the stock is full of flavour, and the spices have really shown their true flavour. There is no greasiness at all, instead a pleasantly refreshing after taste. The pork falls off the bone, and makes for a delicious accompaniment to rice and pickles.
Feeling rather content, I walked down the road and somehow ended up in Chinatown. Walking down the side streets, I found myself first at the muslim mosque, where workers were painting the walls furiously. Then I came across the Sri Mariamman temple, where some serious procession was in progress. Around the corner I went into the Buddha's Tooth relic temple and even there, there was a crowd chanting prayers and lighting incense.
Out of luck with temples, I ended up in the Chinatown food court. Not really feeling hungry, I couldn't resist the sight of a super long queue heading to the glutinous rice stall. Here a man with funny chorea like movements was dishing up the glutinous rice along with a sprinkling of peanuts and salty fried shallot crisps. It was quite savoury, and would have been nicer if there was an element of sweetness to it.
Feeling truly too full, I headed to the Singapore Art Museum for a spot of air conditioning.
It just happens that the Biennale is on, and I happened to arrive at the SAM at the time of a guided tour with a very interesting and spirited lady. This was a fantastic exhibition (I didn't even make it to the other three sites) of modern art, with the theme being "My Home". The idea was to invite a group of artists from around the world to use the spaces within the exhibition centres to explore the concept of home. My absolute favourite exhibit was an artist who followed six Singaporean families on their usual shopping, and then set up a room with six fridges full of their purchases, inviting the viewer to think about what sort of lives they lead...
Coming out of the SAM, I set off in another random direction and ended up in Albert Centre near Bugis, where I actually stayed last time. I stopped for some more snacks.
Too much shopping in Bugis later, I headed back to the airport. At Tanah Merah interchange, I saw an amazing sunset over the top of a handful of apartment buildings.
Meanwhile, I munched on a curry puff from Old Chang Kee...
Feeling rather bored in the airport, I finished off my day of eating with a bowl of fish ball noodle soup. The fish balls weren't as good as the place that serves fish ball laksa in Terminal 3, a little bit too chewy for my liking. The soup was rather bland too, but it was pretty all right for an airport meal!
It did feel like half of Singapore was out on the day I was there, probably because it was a Saturday and plus it was election day too. There's food just about everywhere in Singapore... I'd love to live there for a bit and try everything out. And of course there's great shopping too, I couldn't resist this sign in a MRT station.
Yes yes, the Singapore river was very picturesque in the morning light, but where was all the food? Every store and stall seemed to be shut, and hardly anyone was on the street except a few confused looking tourists and some street cleaners. I walked in some random direction till I finally came across a shop full of people even at 8am on a Saturday morning.
Out of luck with temples, I ended up in the Chinatown food court. Not really feeling hungry, I couldn't resist the sight of a super long queue heading to the glutinous rice stall. Here a man with funny chorea like movements was dishing up the glutinous rice along with a sprinkling of peanuts and salty fried shallot crisps. It was quite savoury, and would have been nicer if there was an element of sweetness to it.
Feeling truly too full, I headed to the Singapore Art Museum for a spot of air conditioning.
It just happens that the Biennale is on, and I happened to arrive at the SAM at the time of a guided tour with a very interesting and spirited lady. This was a fantastic exhibition (I didn't even make it to the other three sites) of modern art, with the theme being "My Home". The idea was to invite a group of artists from around the world to use the spaces within the exhibition centres to explore the concept of home. My absolute favourite exhibit was an artist who followed six Singaporean families on their usual shopping, and then set up a room with six fridges full of their purchases, inviting the viewer to think about what sort of lives they lead...
Coming out of the SAM, I set off in another random direction and ended up in Albert Centre near Bugis, where I actually stayed last time. I stopped for some more snacks.
Soy milk pudding with almonds.
Nasi lemak (coconut rice) with fried chicken.
Too much shopping in Bugis later, I headed back to the airport. At Tanah Merah interchange, I saw an amazing sunset over the top of a handful of apartment buildings.
Meanwhile, I munched on a curry puff from Old Chang Kee...
Feeling rather bored in the airport, I finished off my day of eating with a bowl of fish ball noodle soup. The fish balls weren't as good as the place that serves fish ball laksa in Terminal 3, a little bit too chewy for my liking. The soup was rather bland too, but it was pretty all right for an airport meal!
It did feel like half of Singapore was out on the day I was there, probably because it was a Saturday and plus it was election day too. There's food just about everywhere in Singapore... I'd love to live there for a bit and try everything out. And of course there's great shopping too, I couldn't resist this sign in a MRT station.
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