(This is the most
vivid dream I have had in a little while, the night after I return
from Bangkok)
Fragments of the
beginning are lost. The dream starts in darkness, the type of deep
inkiness that is associated with the time between 2 – 4am. It is
much too late to be awake from fun, and much too early for any type
of constructiveness. P and I are in a large bed, but there are no
distinguishing features of the room in the darkness.
I pick up my phone
and see a message from a friend from long, long ago. He sends a screenshot of a
conversation he had with someone who is typing in Tamil – the words
are lost on me, but he explains in Chinese under the screenshot that
he is planning, “at the right time”, to blow up a plane.
I stare at the
screen and blink several times. I wake up P and he takes a while to
process the news. We discuss why he may have sent this message to me,
whether it is some type of joke.
Let’s go for a
walk. He says.
It
seems insane to go for a walk at this hour, but I am too stunned to
object. We dress hastily and head out onto the street.
It is humid outside,
the air thick and fragrant with humanity. It occurs to me that we
are probably in Bangkok. I look all around at the signs but nothing
means anything.
We
walk down several streets and several lanes, talking about various
things but never addressing the message itself. Eventually, we come
back to the corner where we started and P turns to me solemnly.
His face is dark in the darkness, and I don’t think I’ve ever
seen such an expression from him before.
That is enough
time. He says.
Enough time for
what? I ask.
He
says nothing, but suddenly I realise that the messages will all have
been tracked and that someone out there knows that I know. I shudder
with some type fo anxiety and many thoughts cross my mind simultaneously. I
do not want to live in fear.
We
open the door to the apartment, and inside it is dark and still. We
stand in the kitchen and talk for a while. We have our backs to the
stove and we face the bedroom door, which is closed. At a natural gap
in our conversation, we both see a shadow pass through the door. P
grabs my arm just as the door swings open and in the blink of an eye,
there is a small Indian man standing in front of us. He seems
impossibly short next to P, scrawny as if he was malnourished or
addicted to drugs. He points a gun right between my eyes.
My
heart is racing and I am utterly speechless. P starts to talk to him,
and at the moment when he is determined to shoot, he asks him in the
gentlest of voices, so
what were you doing when this lovely doctor here was born?
The
guy loses focus for a moment and thinks. He starts to stutter
something about how he was living on the street, and at the moment I
cannot tell just how old he is – was he a streetboy?
Just
that flicker of distraction is enough for P to grab the gun from him. I see it from
the corner of my eye, but the motion is so rapid it is almost
imperceptible.
P
points the gun now at the very same spot between his eyes. Without a
second of doubt, he pulls the trigger.
The
gun lets out a silent click, but it does not discharge.
It’s
a fake.
I realise.
The
guy starts to laugh, and I wake up.
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